Waiting for the new semester

Indigo is taking a break, so her Chinese lessons will resume after the new year.

Happy New Year to you all!

I will ask my son to wash the dishes

太太要先生帮她洗碗，先生不好意思回绝。于是对十岁的儿子说﹕“孩子，你 来 洗碗。现在让你练习洗碗，以后可以帮你太太的忙。”儿子回答﹕“不必，以后我可以叫我儿子洗。”

Da Wife wanted Da Hubby to help her wash da dishes,Da Hubby was embarrassed to rebuff.So he told his ten year-old son, "Son,you come wash da dishes.right now you must practice da art of washing dishes,and later on help your wife."The son replied, "No need,later on I can tell my son to wash them."

I shall be successful

外科医生对手术台上的病人说:“这是我的第一百次手术。” “真的﹗” 病人十分高兴:“那我可以放心了﹗” “说得好﹗” 医生很受鼓舞﹕“总有一天我会成功的﹗﹗”

The surgeon informed the paitient on the operation table, "This is the hundreth time I've performed a surgery.""Really!" the patient exclaimed, overjoyed, "Now I can relax!" "Spoken like a true man!" the surgeon was becoming very animated indeed, "One day, I will succeed!"

Play music to the cow

从前，有个音乐家，叫公明仪，有一天他正在弹琴，看见旁边有头牛在吃草。他 想，我来弹几支曲子让它听听吧。他先弹了一支高深的乐曲。可是那牛毫不理会，仍然自顾吃草。公明仪想，牛怎能欣赏这种高深的乐曲呢？于是，他又重新弹了 一支曲子。这支曲子弹得一会儿像蚊子叫，一会儿像牛犊叫。这头牛才摇起 尾巴，竖起耳朵，留心地听起来。

Once upon a time,there was a musician,by the name of Gong Ming Yi,and one day he was playing music,when he spotted a cow grazing nearby.He thought,I'll play some music for him to listen to.He first played a very advanced piece of music,But the cow was oblivious to the music,and kept on grazing.Gong Ming Yi thought,why doesn't the cow enjoy this advanced piece of music?So,he played a new piece of music.at one point, the music sounded like a mosquito's buzzing noise,and later on sounded like a calf's mew.The cow just swished its tail uncaringly,flicked its ear,and started to listen intently.

Father, son and grandson

某将军的孙子在部队又立新功，将军对一事无成的儿子训斥道﹕“你和你的儿子比较，不觉得脸红吗﹖”将军的儿子道﹕“和儿子比较，十分光荣，和您比较，无上光荣。”“你说什么﹖”“和儿子比较，他的爸爸不如我的爸爸。和您比较，您的儿子不如我的儿子。”

A general's grandson just received a new achievement medal,the general told his good-for-nothing son, "Comparing you and your son, don't you feel embarrassed?" General's son replied, "If I'm compared to my son,I'm very honored,but if we're compared to you,I'd have a limitless amount of honor.""What'd you say?" "If compared to my son,his dad wouldn't compare to my dad.if compared with you,your son wouldn't be as honorable as my son."

Kiss a lion

马戏团正在表演美女同狮子接吻，观众一片掌声。某男站起来大声说﹕“这并不难，我也会的﹗” 大家让他上去试试。他说﹕“好吧，请你们先把狮子牵走。

The circus was just performing an act with a beautiful lady kissing a lion, the audience erupted in applause. Da Man stood up and hollered, "That's not hard at all, I can do it too!" everyone cheered him on. He said, "Ok, you guys first lead the lion away please."

A lazy cook

一个懒惰的厨子，连续几天都把剩菜热一热就端到桌子上。牧师并不作声，坐下就吃。厨子很奇怪，问他为什么不先祈祷就吃饭。牧师淡然回答：“桌上的每样菜，我都至少谢过两次了。”

A very lazy cook, for a few straight days only warmed the food up just a little and put it on the table. The priest didn't utter a sound, he sat down and started eating. The cook was very confused, and asked him why he didn't pray before eating. The priest lightly replied, "All the food on the table, I already thanked more than twice."

Your old disease has come back

What a smart doctor! I wouldn't go to them.

一个年轻的医生给病人检查完了身体，不能确定到底是什么病。就问病人﹕“你以前得过这种病吗﹖”病人回答﹕“是啊。”医生高兴地说﹕“那就对了，你原来的病又复发了。”

A young doctor finished examining a patient's body, but couldn't confirm what type of disease it was. So he asked, "Have you caught this disease before?" the patient replied, "Yup." the doctor said enthusiastically, "That's right, your old disease has come up again."

Smart birds

生物课上，老师谈到吃虫子的鸟类，他说﹕“燕子每天需要吃跟自己的体重相等的食物。”有位学生问﹕“燕子如何知道自己的体重。”

In biology class, the teacher was discussing bug-eating birds, he said, "Swallows need to eat food the same as their own weight." a student piped up,"How do swallows know their own weight?"

Sonny, you got too many questions

Another bashing on Dads? It's so tough to be a dad.

父亲回答不出儿子的问题，就 说﹕“我小时候从来没有向我爸爸问过这么多问题。”
儿子说﹕“如果你当初多问问，现在就不会回答不出了。”

Daddy didn't have an answer to Sonny's question, so he said, "When I was little, I never asked my dad so many questions." Sonny said, "If you had asked more questions, you wouldn't not be able to answer."

birds and worm

When the Chinese say "虫子", do they usually mean "worm" or "insects"?

老师：早起的鸟儿抓得到虫子。 学生：那么，早起的虫子呢？

Teacher: The early bird gets the worm.Student: Then,what about the early worm?

Heredity

孩子学了生物学后，回家跟爸爸说﹕“现在我知道我学习不好的原因了。”爸爸很高兴。但孩子接着说﹕“这全是遗传造成的。”

After the kid learned biology, went home and told his dad, "Now I know the reason why I don't have good grades." His dad was delighted. But the kid continued, "It was all because of heredity."

Different opinions

This one is pretty easy for Indy.

爸爸觉得小欢不是个好学生，因为他做功课的时候总是看电视。但是妈妈觉得小欢是个好孩子，连看电视的时候也做功课。

Daddy feels that Little Huan isn't a good student, because he does homework while watching TV. But Mommy feels that Little Huan is a good little boy, even when watching TV he does homework.

George W. and Laura

布什总统和夫人一起出门，经过一个加油站，第一夫人和一个加油站工人亲切地交谈了好一会。事后，总统问﹕“你认识那个工人吗﹖”夫人回答﹕“他是我从前的男朋友。”总统﹕“幸亏你没有同他结婚，否则你现在就不是第一夫人了。”夫人﹕“幸亏你同我结婚了，否则现在的总统就不是你而是他了。”

Bush and his wife took a walk together,and passed a gas station,the First Lady and a worker at the gas station chatted amiably for a long time.Later,the president asked, "You know him?" his wife replied, "He's my ex-boyfriend."Bush: "Well, it's a good thing you didn't marry him,otherwise you wouldn't be first lady."Laura: "It's a good thing you married me,otherwise you wouldn't be the president, he would."

My friend, you can't listen to my wife's letter

某人和他的夫人，虽然分居两地，但时常用通信来沟通感情。可惜某人不识字，每次夫人来信他都要请别人代读。有一次，某人接到老婆的来信，便匆匆来到朋友家。朋友大声地念着某人老婆的来信，某人则在他的后边用双手捂住了他的两耳。其他人见了觉得很奇怪，问：“你捂他的耳朵干吗？”某人回答：“是这样的，我不认识字，请朋友给我念老婆的来信，可我总不能让他听到我老婆对我说的话呀。”


Da Man and his wife, although they don't live together,but they constantly mail each other to express their love for each other. But Da Man can't read,so every time his wife sends him a letter he has to call another person to read it for him. One time,Da Man received a letter from his wife, he then rushed to a friend's house. The friend loudly read Da Man's wife's letter, Da Man placed his hands on his friend's ears. The others felt confused when they saw this, and asked, "Why are you doing that?"Da Man replied, "It's like this,I can't read, and asked a friend to read my wife's letter, but I can't let him hear what my wife says to me."

Rock'n'roll house

某人喝得醉眼蒙胧，深更半夜才回到家门口。他掏出钥匙，却怎么也对不准门锁。 巡夜的警察见状，急忙上前问：“需要帮忙吗？” 某人大喜过望，赶快说：“请你帮我把这房子抓牢，别让它 乱晃动。”

Da Man got uber drunk, and returned home in the middle of the night. He got out his keys, but he couldn't get it in the keyhole. The night police saw this, and hurriedly asked, "You need help?" Da Man was ecstastic at the good news, and responded, "Please hold the house down, and don't let it move around."

Lawyers

“你是骗人的！”辩护律师向对方大喊。
“你是说谎的！”对方律师指责说。
法官用小木糙猛敲一下，冷然道：“现在表明了双方律师的身份，继续审案吧！”

"You lie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
One lawyer yelled to the other.
"No, you lieeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
the other lawyer hollered back.
The judge banged his gravel on the desk, and shouted, "This shows both lawyers' true identity, please continue to try the case!"

I was not drunk

某人站在法庭上。“我只多喝了些酒，而没有像指控书上说的那样醉了。”“正因为如此，”法官微笑着说：“我才没有判处你7天的监禁，而只判了你一个星期。”

Da Man is standing in a courtroom. "I only drank a little bit of alcohol, and it's not like what the indictment said, I wasn't that drunk." "So it may seem," the judge says, slightly amused, "I won't penalize you for 7 days in jail, but instead for a week."

Some interesting translation

Hmmm, I noticed some interesting translation from Indigo. It shows you the danger of translation through a dictionary or your imagination.

沟通感情 link up affection.

请你帮我把这房子抓牢，别让它 乱晃动 : Please arrest this house, and mobilize it. Since "抓" is to "capture", and "牢" is a jail cell, "抓牢" must be "to arrest".

指控书上 the charge book thing

法官用小木糙 The judge banged his hammer. Right, a small wooden hammer.

巡夜的警察 The night police