Listen to my songs

This piece looked easy for her, she didn't quite get 堪 and 哀.

某人很喜欢唱歌，但唱的不堪入耳，人们一听到他唱歌，就远远的躲开了他。此人很苦恼。一天，他拿着一把刀拦住一个行人，并对他说：“你必须听我唱歌，否则我就杀了你。” 说完，他就唱了起来。他还没唱完，那行人就哀求他说：“你快杀了我吧！”

Da Man really liked to sing, but anyone who listened to his singing went deaf, so whenever they heard him sing, they would hitch a taxi and drive down to the south pole to escape. Da Man was very glum. One day, he stopped a passerby with a knife, and told him, "You have to listen to my singing, or else I'll kill you!" having said that, Da Man launched into a passionate, ear-splitting song. He wasn't even finished when the passerby pleaded, "Just hurry up and kill me!"

Where is my soccer ball?

公园里，一个小孩老是哭着跟在一个孕妇后面，孕妇终于不耐烦了，转过身问：“孩子，你怎么啦？” 孩子抽泣着，“我的足球不见了。是不是您把它藏到衣服里了？”

In a park, there's a kid who always cries and follows a pregnant woman, the pregnant lady finally loses her temper, and turns around asking, "Little Boy, what's wrong?" the kid sobs, "My soccer ball disappeared, did you hide it in your clothes?"

Indigo thought it's a pretty lame joke. I think that she is probably right.

买房子，送家具

Well, well, it looks like that we've got some work to do on this one. We'll come back to this one over the weekend. We had worked on this character 领 before. It's time to review it with Indigo.

一家房地产商为推销房屋，打出“买房子，送家具”的广告。某人买了一套新房，装饰后去领家具。房产商："你的家具在哪里？我们帮你送！"

A family wanted to rent their apartment, so they put the sign, "Selling House, Along with Furniture." When a person bought the apartment, the decorator brought the furniture over. decorator: where is your furniture? We'll help you send 'em over!"

Dog or Canine?

This is a pretty good one. Initially, Indigo translated it as "a dog is a dog". We discussed it a little. She thought of "canine", which is probably the closest thing you can do. What do you know, the number of letters in canine is exactly double of that in dog ;-).

儿子：犬就是狗，狗就是犬。究竟什么时候该写犬，什么时候该写狗呢？
父亲：忙的时候将狗写成犬，闲的时候那就将犬写成狗。
儿子：为什么？
父亲：狗的笔画比犬多一倍呀！

Son: "A dog is a canine, a canine is a dog. so when should I write it as dog, and when should I write it as canine?"
Father: "When you're in a hurry you should write dog, and when you're not very busy you should write it as canine."
Son: "why?"
Father: "Canine has double the letters than dog!"

Her voice recording

The software we are using doesn't export her recording yet. If you don't have the software, unfortunately you can't hear the recording. I'll find out how to export the voice in MP3. I can't promise it though.

Discussion of debt, really?

This is a joke Indigo liked, she rated it as ok, unlike all other lame jokes. However, she had a little trouble with "诸葛亮正与刘备在帐中议事", she thought they were in the middle of discussion about debt. Hmmm.

Here's the joke.

诸葛亮是个精通奇门八术的人，其中有一项特长就是口技。却说这一日诸葛亮正与刘备在帐中议事，诸葛亮突然想放屁，又怕被刘备听见，不好意思。他灵机一动说道：“主公，为了调节一下气氛，我学啄木鸟叫给你听怎么样?”刘备点点头。诸葛亮模仿啄木鸟叫了两声，趁机把屁给放了。然后问道:“怎么样主公?我学的象不象? ”刘备道:“你再学一次吧，刚才你放屁的声音太大，我没听见。

Here's her translation.

Zhugeliang was a man who is skilled in many unusual talents, one of them being vocal mimicry. So one day, Zhugeliang and Liubei were having a discussion inside a war tent, he had the sudden urge to -- ahem -- fart, (it was a big one as well) but he was afraid that Liubei would hear, so he was a bit embarassed to do so. (but he really had to go). But on a sudden inspiration, Zhugeliang suddenly spoke up,"Master, in order to adjust the atmosphere here, I will mimic a woodpecker's cry, alright?" Liu Bei nodded. Zhugeliang made some woodpecker noises, and used this moment to fart, "How was that, Master?" he inquired. "Didn't it sound just like a woodpecker?" "Could you do it again?" Liubei queried back, "That fart you just release was too loud, I couldn't hear it clearly"

Needle or Syringe?

某甲到医院做健康检查,护士拿了针要替他抽血,某甲看著闪闪发亮的针头忍不住问:“会不会痛啊?我怕痛!”护士说:“放心好了,我做了二十几年的护士……”某甲说:“太好了,我放心了!”然后护士一针扎下,只听到某甲杀猪般的一声惨叫,护士才缓缓接道:“没有一次不痛的。

It's interesting to note that the Chinese don't differentiate needles and the hypodermic syringes. They just use needle to represent hypodermic syringe. Indigo read the joke a couple of times before she realized that was not a normal "needle", it was meant as a hypodermic syringe.

She wanted it to be funnier.

Da Man went to the hospital for a checkup, the nurse brought a syringe to draw some of his blood, Da Man glanced at the shining needle part of the syringe and couldn't help but ask (in a cowardly sort of way), "W-w-will it hurt?"I'm afraid it'll hurt! (he almost wailed)" "Don't worry!" the nurse replied."I have been a nurse for over twenty long years..." Da Man sighed with relief, " Phew! I thought I was a goner for sure!" The nurse then heroically plunged the syringe like she was going to stab an enemy with a sword into Da Man's forearm. Da Man screamed in agony and pain; like Da Pig in process of being slaughtered."...not once did it not hurt," the nurse finished with flourish.

I made a comment that she exaggerated a little in the translation. Indigo says it's more fun that way.

What is 中日韩?

Here's a joke (from other site)

中日韩三国足球队主教练一起来到天堂，询问上帝各自的足球队什么时候才能得世界杯冠军，上帝说：韩国需要50年。韩国教练大哭起来：我是见不到了。上帝又说：日本需要100年。日本教练大哭起来：我是见不到了。中国教练连忙问：我们呢？上帝大哭起来：我是见不到了。

On her first try, she didn't quite understand 中日韩. She translated it as "In the middle of the day, 3 ...". After I explained that they are shorthands for China, Japan and Korea, she translated the joke as follows. In her Chinese recording, she did a great job to deliver the joke.

One day three head soccer coaches from China, Japan, and Korea went to the heaven altar place together. They wanted to ask God when their soccer teams would win the world cup. God said, "Korea will take fifty years." The Korean coach started to cry waterfalls, "I'm never gonna make it!!! "Japan will take 100 years." God continued. The Japanese coach started to cry as well, "I'm never gonna make it!!!!!" The Chinese coach quickly asked, "How about us?" "I'm never going to see it!!!" God burst out, crying uncontrollably.

ps.
I found many jokes from http://www.haha365.com/ are good material for learning Chinese.

The Pact

My daughter and I negotiated a pact. It stipulates my responsibilities and her responsibilities. My responsibilities are

1. Find interesting Chinese jokes or other material for her to study
2. Go over her work together
3. Put the files on the internet for others to share

Her responsibilities are

1. Listen to one joke every weekday
2. Translate the joke into English
3. Record the joke in Chinese

We got off a great start. She has produced over a dozen PCE files. If you own Penpower Chinese Expert, you are welcome to download them at http://pce.penpowerchinese.com/indigo